To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
