dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
