i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
