I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
