textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
