Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize