I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
