Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
