She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
