Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
where does the pee come out of this thing
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want to make out with him forever
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
