No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Randomize
