My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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