the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
