i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Your penis caused this!
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
