so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
