Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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