I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
