I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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