you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
