I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
