The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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