it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
