on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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