If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
COCAINE IS GR8
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
