he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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