I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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