If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
