p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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