If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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