u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
