she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
