i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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