I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
