ya dads aren't the best wingmen
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.