I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
