I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
This is sufficient.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?