i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Stone age, man.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright