If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
