the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
28 Completely Safe For Work Pictures Of Genitals
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach