Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so