Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..