you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
