i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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