It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I understand Curling. That high.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
