Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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