the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
