I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
