so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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