Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
