I'm pants shitting drunk right now
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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