She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
