I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
