I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
