the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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