before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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