Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
