I'm lost and stupid without you.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
