why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
