Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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