his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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