Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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