Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
