I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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