if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
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The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize