My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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