hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
